Tuesday, April 6, 2010


Skittles hasn't read the email yet. Her internet's been down all weekend, which is why she hasn't been on line. I convinced her to delete the email without reading during our spare period in the library, so hopefully she'll do that. I just told her that I was being retarded at two in the morning and that she really didn't want to read garbage like that. So, things have returned to normal, with her ignoring me and joking around with Fai, and me sitting there feeling bored. Now I really can't wait to move away and find new friends. Maybe I'll make some who are actually interested in me.
Don't get me wrong, I do love my friends very much, but I've always seemed to have this problem where I make a great group of friends who eventually become better friends with each other than me, and then I get ditched. A lot. So I'm sensing a bit of a pattern here and am hoping it's not inherent to my nature; attracting people who will eventually tire of me. *sighs*
At least I'm safe for now.

No new word for today. I'll submit one later.

Monday, April 5, 2010

After Easter

Spent Sunday and most of today at my brother's place. Got back to find there was still no reply from Skittles, regarding my regretful email (I may have mentioned it my previous post). Either she still hasn't got it, which worries me, seeing as I have never known her to go more than a couple of days without going on the Internet, or she did get it and it either scared her and she doesn't know what to say, or she's pissed at me for being clingy. Either way, I'll find out tomorrow. If she's not at school at all, I'm calling her. It may make things worse, but I can't take this anymore. I'm going nuts waiting for a reply.
Recieved a Wild Thing plushie in my Easter basket yesterday. It is utterly adorable and has inspired me to make another attempt at drawing a comic. I have a great idea for the story and the characters (based around Where the Wild Things Are, of course) but that's the same as with all my previous comic attempts. I can write the story and I can draw the characters but I cannot, for the life of me, get the damn backgrounds right. Perspective sucks, my friends.
Have been thinking a lot about my ex lately. He was my first boyfriend, and I loved him so much. He is the sweetest guy I have ever met in my life, we have a ton in common (anime, fantasy books, a love of really long walks). Sadly, I ended it with him a couple of weeks before Valentine's (because I am an awful bitch) and we haven't really talked much since. I still like him though and, thanks to my sister being friends with him on facebook, I know he still likes me. (Even though I was such a bitch. Weird, eh?) I broke up with him because it was a long distance relationship, and I felt guilty because he had to spent a lot of money to come see me, and I couldn't afford to always be going to see him. However, if I get in to my top choice for school next year, I will be moving to his hometown. Do you think he'd take me back?
I went into a secondhand bookshop today and picked out a rather interesting read: "Death Writes." It's a book about life, written from the perspective of Death. The author is unknown; the person who had it published claims to have found it all scribbled in a notebook left on the table in a coffeeshop. It is somewhat dark, but if you enjoy mystery, absurdism and a bit of philosophy, I think you make enjoy this book. Look for it.

Word for the day is: optimism
Optimism: a feeling or attitude of hopefullness and positivity.
(I need to stay optimistic about all these things or I fear my head may explode)

Saturday, April 3, 2010

A Queazy Day

So, my four-hour shift at Zellers just crawled by today. For those of you who have never heard of Zellers, it's the Canadian version of Wal-Mart. Yes, that's right. I am Canadian. For those of you who don't know what Canada is, well... That's kinda sad. Go get a globe. We're the big cold thing sitting over the U.S.
Anyways, I digress. Last night, I was having a bit of an emotional fit, crying and so on about how I didn't want to mave away from all my friends next year and have to make new firends at university. My best friend, Skittles, has been in a bad mood or something lately and has been hanging around with Fai a lot more than me. I would usually be totally fine with this, because I'm a pretty confident person and I know my friends love me, but fear of change mixed with not enough sleep made for a sobbing, weepy mess of Crazy, who then proceeded to write Skittles a sappy, heartfelt email about how scared she was about losing her best friend. I heard a rule once, that nothing good ever happens after 2 am, and you should just shut up and got to bed. In this case, that rule has a definate application. I really, really, really wish that there was an "unsend" button for emails. So, I spent most of my hellish shift today feeling absolutely sick to my stomach with worry, wondering what Skittles will think of this email when she gets it. When I finally got out of there, I hurried home to check my email. No reply. Skittles is constantly on the Internet. So, she either got it and thinks I'm a totally freakish loser right now, got it and doesn't know what to say in reply, or is out somewhere having fun (probably with Fai) while I sit here in my nauseous, loserly state, wondering if we'll ever be friends again.


New word of the day is quagmire.
Quagmire: a type of wetland. Rhetorically, "quagmire" may refer to a predicament or situation from which it is difficult to extricate oneself.

Entry Number One, for lack of a better name.

So, here we are at the beginning of a brand new blog. One out of the many millions polluting the Internet with mindless drivel, or possibly the greatest philosophical revelations of our time. Who knows? If you're looking for any of the latter here, prepare to be disappointed. It took me a good half-hour of screen tapping just to convince my iPod to let me start typing this entry. What that has to do with philosophy, I'm not entirely sure, but it certainly speaks volumes of my intelligence, doesn't it?
I suppose the best place to start with any story is with the setting of the scene and the introduction of the main character, no? So, here we go. Enter Crazy, a seventeen-year old (soon to be eighteen) girl with a love for the theatre. She is well-liked, has plenty of close friends and a loving, suppourtive family. She's been accepted into three out of four of her post-secondary schools (though is still waiting to hear back from her top choice), she's got decent grades and has even been offered a couple of scholarships. So why is is she Crazy? Why should you give a crap? Every story needs tension, right?
Enter our antagonist: Clinical Depression. Dundunduuuuuuun. Caused by chemical imbalances in the brain, clinical depression is a common and most often catastrophic mental illness. Imagine a deep fog from which you cannot escape, where you feel you cannot reach out to anyone and death appears to be the only path to relief. Thank god for therapy and Prozak. But that's not always enough.
That is why I am starting this blog. I have a hard time communicating my feelings to my loved ones, for fear that the true weight of my thoughts might burden them, but I needed some way to get this crap all off my chest, so here it is, easy and anonymous.
Please don't worry though, this won't all be doom and gloom, I swear. Bear with me and I'll do my best to entertain you. I will leave you all with a word of the day, one I see as rather fitting for this blog.

Schadenfreude: (German) meaning happiness or pleasure at the misfortune of others